Pardon Me but My Breasts Wish to Have a Word with You

There are all kinds of interesting, and sometimes terrifying, things that come out of the creative minds in Japan – tentacle monsters, anime, women as buffet tables, the geisha, and so on. While some of these things have captivated the minds and hearts of those in the Western world from children to adults, I’m not so sure that the latest craze is even remotely a good idea. The latest thing is an uplifting padded bra that talks. Yes, that’s right. It talks.


For years, over here in the West, women (regardless of their breast size), have been secretly enjoying those sometimes subtle, but usually overt, glances made by men and women alike toward their boobs. Feminism dictates that this is a bad thing, and there are some women who will openly get cranky about it, but the majority of us do enjoy those looks. It means that at least one part of us is attractive, and in a world where we all tend to crave some form of positive attention and many struggle with self-esteem issues, it really isn’t a bad thing.

However, these glances and outright ogling is usually caused by a little help from strategically placed and formed necklines and lingerie that pushes our assets upward in a lovely swell of cleavage. These bras from Japan are much less inconspicuous as they announce welcome greetings in several languages. These aren’t the only dual purpose bras available in Japan, either. You can get a bra that converts into a putting green (the cups are the holes), a bra that has soup and rice bowls for the cups complete with fold-up chopsticks, and a bra that converts into a shopping bag so you can go bare and cart your purchases about in your underwear.

I, for one, choose to believe that these types of dual purpose undergarments are a clever and creative way of helping a hugely cramped population save space while doing two things at once (getting great cleavage and doing all sorts of other tasks at the same time). I am blindly choosing to believe that these bras are something for the Japanese tourist industry to get a little more attention and make things more fun for the tourists. Granted, with a country as beautiful and as rich in culture and history as Japan is, I don’t get why the tourists need whacky distractions.

Thankfully, here in the west, it’s not likely that such bras will take hold. I certainly don’t want to be visiting Disneyland, Graceland, the San Diego Zoo, or the New Orleans blues bars and have some guide or hostess’ breasts saying hello to me in English, or any other language for that matter. The most they’ll become, if ever imported here, are amusing and humorous diversions for bachelorette parties and other such raucous celebrations. No matter how things play out with these dual purpose bras, I will never be inclined to endorse them for any reason other than extreme hilarity.

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